1 month old!

Emma is one month old! I cannot believe it. Didn't I just have her yesterday? It's overwhelming how much I love her. She melts my heart on a daily basis. I can't explain how great it is to be a mom, and how much it has made me grateful for mine! It feels like I had her yesterday, yet feels like we have always had her in our lives. This is all passing by too quickly and so I try to enjoy the little moments with her. She is my everything and I'm so grateful I get to enjoy this life with her!

She was giving me the hardest time while taking these! Although she looks like she is being an angel.. I finally had to put her to sleep to take them! She wouldn't let me take them without her binkie for awhile. She is so funny. I love this peter pan collar onesie! She kind of looks like an old man, but I love it.

This month Emma..

• already smiles so much! It's mostly in her sleep but she also smiles when we talk to her. It gets me every time!
• loves to be held while being put to sleep. It's such a horrible habit to get in but I secretly like it. 
• is totally a mamas girl. For now anyway! 
• recognizes my voice. It's such a great feeling to have a baby light up when they hear your voice!
• loves to scratch her face! I hate cutting her nails all the time because it scares me so I put the little gloves on her. My dad nicknamed her "mittens". 
• is totally losing her hair! I'm so upset about it! She has a receding hairline! I almost want to just buzz it. I won't..
• has got some strong little legs! She is going to be a runner like her daddy! She always kicks when being burped. 
• has reflux! We think. She throws up after most feedings. It could be that her mom needs to watch what she eats..

Pregnancy, Labor & Delivery, and After

I think it's important in any given situation to write down what you have learned to reflect on and remember everything you went through to help someone in the future that is going through the same experience. I wanted to write this post to document what I learned and what I'm continuing to learn throughout my own pregnancy, labor & delivery, and after. I know I'm only a first time mom and I clearly don't know everything, this is just MY experience. Keeping in mind that everyone is different and has different experiences and situations, here is what I learned:

(I wrote this as if I were talking to someone that is pregnant.)

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PREGNANCY:

Everyone is going to give you their opinion. Take it with a grain of salt and make your own opinions. 

Do what you want to do. If you want to find out the gender and pick out your name before the baby is born, do it. If you want an epidural, get one. Don't let people make you feel bad for your choices. It's your baby, your body. 

Every pregnancy is different. Don't compare yourself to your friends. I learned that the hard way and worked myself up over some things. As long as your baby is healthy and you are healthy then don't compare your size, weight, kick counts, or how you are feeling. 

Start preparing early. Start buying diapers, wipes, car seat, stroller, etc. BUT don't forget to stock up on things like toilet paper, laundry detergent, shampoo and conditioner, etc. Seriously if you find good deals on household items, get them! It will help! 

Buy your crib, stroller, and car seat in gender neutral colors if you plan on having more kids. You don't want to have a girl and buy all pink and then have a boy next and feel obligated to buy new things so your little boy isn't in all pink.

Shop around. Look at the stores, look online, look everywhere! When Trev and I would find something we liked we would look everywhere and would end up finding a cheaper price somewhere. I highly recommend Amazon! We bought a lot from them.

Once the babies are big enough in your belly their kicks start to HURT! Especially when they get under your ribs. But you won't mind it, it's always reassuring to feel their kicks. Even if it may feel like you have the next karate kid in your stomach.

You will have to pee A LOT, but if you think its bad at first just wait until their little head is sitting right on top of your bladder. Emma seriously almost made me pee my pants a few times!

Don't be afraid to call the doctor or go to the labor and delivery if you are unsure about something. I had to call a couple of times and had to go into the doctor once. They made me feel so great and not stupid at all even when everything was fine. Better safe than sorry!

Document your pregnancy! I did mine on here and I'm sure everyone was annoyed by it, but I'm so glad I did it so I can look back on what I was experiencing.

During your last weeks of pregnancy people will constantly be asking if you've had the baby. Don't get frustrated, it means they care. 

Pregnancy can be hard but enjoy it. I was blessed to have a fairly easy pregnancy, but that doesn't mean it was all sunshine and butterflies. It's hard but it's such an amazing experience being pregnant, so try and enjoy it!

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LABOR & DELIVERY:

Pray, pray, pray! I felt like I was saying a continual prayer the whole 18 hours I was there, but it brought me so much comfort!

Ask lots of questions! You'll want to know everything that is going on. 

Take lots of pictures! I was in labor for 18 hours and had to stay 3 days, so I was there for quite some time so I was glad that we took lots of pictures to remember everything! Make sure to designate a couple people to take some snapshots!

Get the oxygen mask. Seriously. I feel like I'm advocating drugs here, but it's so great and makes you feel wonderful!

Swelling happens! I was super swollen during my pregnancy but after I had Emma I was SOOO swollen but only for a couple of days and then it just went away! My face was gigantic though.

If you get an epidural (which I highly recommend!) your legs will feel like a thousand pounds! I would touch mine and it seemed like I was touching someone else's legs! I couldn't move my legs at all except for my right foot. Weirdest feeling ever! Not everyone is like that though. I've heard of people being able to move their whole legs. 

Umm.. contractions hurt. Yeah. Sorry to scare you, but better to be prepared right? I was only dilated to a 5(ish) when I was in so much pain that I needed the epidural. You go mamas who do it without. Ouchie!

You're kind of exposed throughout the whole, ya know, having a baby and such. Get used to it. Sorry!

E had to stay in the NICU for a couple days. If your baby has to stay there don't worry if you cry. I cried a lot. I was constantly worried about her. The nurse told me it was normal to have those emotions. 

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AFTER:

A LOT of people will tell you how hard it is to have a baby. Not a lot of people tell you how amazing and worth it it all is. I guess you have to figure that one for yourself. 

You will miss being pregnant. It's weird to not have the huge belly! I was never depressed about it, but I definitely miss it!

Get your sleep while you can! I knew I wouldn't be sleeping much, but I had no idea. 

If you don't want strangers to touch your baby don't take them out in public. Yeah that's not going to happen, right? So just plan on strangers touching their little feet and hands. It stinks, I know. Just bring some hand sanitizing wipes or something!

I got the advice one time that it's okay if you aren't gushing over your baby when you first have them because they are pretty much strangers. (Well I guess we did meet in Heaven right? Ha!) I thought that was weird advice, but it was true! I mean I was totally in love with her but it was... Different. She did feel like a strangers baby. She is really mine? Don't worry that feeling goes away quickly, but don't feel bad. 

Breastfeeding can be awkward. In the physical sense of the word, not in the embarrassing sense. You eventually get the hang of it! Keep going! Also it hurts. Sorry again!

When your baby first smiles at you, you will die. Your heart will stop and you will die. Okay obviously not, but it is the best thing in the entire world! I almost cried! It still kills me. 

Laundry and dishes will pile up. Duh! For a couple weeks our house was horrible. Once you get the hang of your new life you will find time for all the tedious household chores. Oh the life of a housewife/stay at home mom! 

Remember your husband (or significant other). Remember they need your love too! Don't forget to tell them how much you appreciate them and tell them thank you for getting up in the middle of the night to change a dirty diaper. Don't let them feel forgotten!

Bringing your newborn home is quite scary! All of a sudden you are solely responsible for this tiny life and it can make you quite nervous. We stayed at my parents house for a week and it helped me get used to having a newborn before I was to be by myself. 

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I hope this post didn't scare anyone and I'm sure a lot of mamas are thinking "yeah this girl is crazy." But I felt the need to write it, if not for someone else's sake then for my own when I have more kids! I know I have a whole lot to learn still but this is what I've learned so far. The whole pregnancy and giving birth and enjoying your new baby is one of the best experiences of your life! It can be scary because the unknown is always scary, but if you have faith, everything will be okay! I love being a mom and I'm so grateful for my little Emma. This whole experience taught me so much and my heart is so full!

Newborns

I took newborn pictures of Emma today! I wanted them to be super simple so I decided to go all white. I love how they turned out. They aren't professional by any means, but nevertheless I love them. It helps that I have a beautiful subject to capture as well. :) Love her!

Welcome Emma! - Her birth story!

Emma is here! I cannot believe it! It has been one of the most amazing and humbling experiences of my life! Sorry this is extremely long!

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On Thursday I had my last doctors appointment. I knew it was my last because I had passed my 40 week mark and I was going to get my induction date. My doctor stripped my membranes and boy did that hurt. I definitely felt different but I was still only dilated to a 2+ and 80% effaced, so he gave me my induction date for that Sunday.

Up until that point I was pretty nervous about delivering a child. I mean who isn't for their first, right? But that day I was ready for her to get here. Trevor and I played Bocci Ball which had us doing a lot of walking. We also went on a short walk and decided to go to dinner for our "One Last Hurrah" before Emma gets here. We went to Chili's with my parents and brother, and I ate a ton of their spicy salsa, cheese fries with lots of jalepenos, and fajitas. I tried to eat as much spicy food as I could! We had a great time with each other and I was really grateful that we did that. On the way home I was feeling pretty weird but I just figured I ate too much - it happens.

Last dinner at Chili's with the family before becoming a mom!

I've had trouble sleeping for the past couple of months so I was up pretty late that night. It was around 3 o'clock in the morning when I started feeling some cramps. They kept coming and they were getting worse and worse. I wasn't sure if they were contractions or not, so I was feeling pretty nervous. After an hour of timing the cramps I realized that they were definitely contractions.

I woke up Trevor at around 4:15 and told him I thought I was having contractions. By that time I was running around the room making sure I had everything I needed in my hospital bag. Trevor said to start timing them and went back to sleep. Trevor! I woke him up again and told him I was serious! So he finally woke up and helped me get everything ready and in the car.

We drove to the Labor and Delivery and I was surprisingly calm and Trevor and I were pretty giddy. When we got there they put us in a half room with a curtain and had me get dressed in a gown and took my vitals. The nurse was really sweet. She checked to see how dilated I was and it hurt SO bad. Oh my gosh. She was aggressive! I was still only dilated to a 2+ and still only 80% effaced so I was worried they wouldn't keep me. I was definitely having contractions and they were getting pretty horrible.

Waiting to see if we will be admitted & then in the delivery room!

The nurse came back an hour later and checked me again and *I thought I was going to die* It hurt sooooo bad. That was one of the most painful moments of the whole delivery! I was now dilated to a 3 and so they admitted me. Thank goodness because my contractions were absolutely unbearable. They brought me into the labor room with a new nurse and she put my IV in. I HATE IV's. So much. I was freaking out. My contractions were every 3 minutes and I was in so much pain.

Around 10 o'clock I was dying. My contractions were so close together and they hurt so bad. Trevor talked me into getting my epidural. I wanted to wait as long as I could, but I was in so much pain. The anesthesiologist came in and got everything prepared. He was such an awesome guy. He reminded me of my older brother. He raised the bed up super high and I held onto Trevor while he numbed my back. The whole procedure didn't hurt that bad, I was just more nervous about getting a huge needle inserted into my back. It took about 15-20 minutes and in the middle of it Trevor all of a sudden just let me go and sat down. He almost passed out! He hadn't eaten since Chili's so he was pretty sick. He said he was fine until he saw blood on the anesthesiologist's hands. Poor guy. So I held onto the nurse for the rest of procedure. My nurse was so amazing.

My parents and brother had arrived while I was getting my epidural so they came in when I was done. My legs were so numb. I was surprised how well it worked. I couldn't lift them up at all. My nurse or someone in my family had to move my legs for me. Weirdest feeling in the world. The nurse had put me on my right side and I started feeling really weird. My chest started to hurt and I could't breathe. I asked the nurse if I should be feeling pressure on my chest. She looked at the monitor and I could tell she was really nervous and left in a hurry. She came back with about 5 nurses and the anesthesiologist and they were all in a panic, which freaked me out. I started feeling really sick. I was dry heaving and puked up a little water. I felt like I was about to black out and I was shaking like crazy. This sounds really dramatic, but I was really scared I was going to die! Especially when everyone else was in a panic! My blood pressure was about 70/40 which is really low. The epidural had made my veins dilate and I think I had too many fluids going into me. They put me on my other side and I started feeling better. I could breathe again and my chest stopped hurting and I wasn't nauseated anymore. My blood pressure slowly began to rise. It scared us to death though! They broke my water shortly after.

 The waiting crew!

After that it was quite uneventful. They gave me an oxygen mask, which I highly recommend asking for! It made me feel so much better. I dilated quite slowly. My poor family, I'm sure they were so bored. I couldn't do much and I had no desire to read or go on my phone or anything. So I basically just sat there in the dark for the next 10 hours..

Emma's heart rate started to rise. It made us all nervous again. I started getting a really high fever and I just felt horrible. We could not get her heart rate to go down. Trevor was constantly checking the monitor to check my blood pressure and her heart rate. I think he was pretty nervous, but he didn't let me know. The nurse kept mentioning a C-section.. I really didn't want to get one, but I thought if Emma was in trouble I would do anything.

18 hours of waiting and being super worried.

Loving the oxygen mask! That's the monitor we kept checking.

8 o'clock rolled around and they told me I was dilated to a 10! Everything got real. My dad and brother gave me a hug and stood behind the curtain by the door. They put me into position and the nurse had me start pushing. She said that Emma's head was in a weird position. They had me pushing for about an hour when my doctor came in. I kept pushing and pushing. It was a weird experience trying to push when I couldn't feel anything past my stomach! It didn't hurt, but it was definitely hard. My mom and a nurse were holding my legs until my mom started feeling sick and so my sister stepped in. I was so grateful they were all there. Trevor stood by my head and got me drinks and my oxygen mask when I needed it. He cheered me on the whole time. I was so happy knowing he was there with me. Couldn't have done all that without him.

The doctor ended up giving me an episiotomy (TMI?) and had to use the vacuum. Not too long after that Emma finally came out! I pushed for two hours, but for some reason it felt only like 15 minutes for me! I was seriously out of it and had my eyes closed the whole time, which I think is a good thing. I didn't really notice that she came out until they told me and I opened my eyes and saw my beautiful baby girl! Okay she was a little scary looking, but she was so beautiful to me! When I opened my eyes it was like back to reality. I didn't even know but there were like 20 nurses and doctors in there! I was so surprised! Since I had a fever the NICU team had to come and make sure she was okay and then there was all the nurses there to help me. I just sat there and cried/laughed knowing I did it! I finally had my baby girl! Born on Friday, May 23rd, 2014 at 10:04pm. 8 pounds even and 21.5 inches.

First pictures of Emma and as a family! Finally a mother!

First time holding my beautiful daughter. Most amazing experience! Don't mind the double chin..

Finally a dad! He was so happy. Emma was sent off to the NICU.

I saw them weighing and measuring Emma and she didn't look so good. I saw the NICU team working on her and they told us she wasn't breathing very well and they were worried. They set her on my chest and she started breathing just fine! It made me so happy. They cleaned and wrapped her up and gave her back to me. We all just sat there and looked at her. She was so alert and so calm! Oh my goodness it was so great to have her in my arms! But not for long.. they had to take her to the NICU since I had that fever and so Trevor and my dad went down with her. My dad was the first one to feed her! My doctor came and told me that he didn't think I was going to be able to push Emma out and was certain that I was going to have a c-section and that I proved him wrong! I was so glad I did it. Two nurses rolled me onto the next bed and took me and my mom to my room!

First feeding by Grandpa! Our "Unicorn baby" after getting her IV in. Poor girl! So glad I wasn't there to see it.

The nurses came and checked on me later and Trevor finally came up. I just wanted to see my baby girl so they put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me down to the NICU. They had to give her antibiotics since I had a fever, so they had to put in an IV. They tried twice in each hand and twice on her head. Poor girl. They got the second one to work on her head and everyone called her "Unicorn Baby". It was so sad to see! I loved holding her and it made me a little emotional. She was just so perfect! She didn't look scary anymore and was just absolutely gorgeous. How did we get such a cute baby!? She stayed in the NICU that night and Trevor and I went back to our room and crashed. I had not slept since Wednesday night so I was exhausted! 18 hours was hard! Labor isn't called labor for nothing!

 In the NICU. Trevor and I finding our love of being parents!

 Grandpa and his beautiful granddaughter! Taking her temperature.

Our AMAZING nurse Christi! I was still so swollen.

Saturday happened to be Trevor's 21st birthday! My dad bought him a cake and we sang Happy Birthday to him. Emma got to come hang out with us and we had lots of visitors! I felt so grateful for all the people who came, and those who wanted to. I've had so much support throughout this, it was great! Emma ended up staying the night with us in our room and she pretty much woke up every 20 minutes. She wasn't eating very well and kept falling asleep during feedings and hadn't peed yet. On Sunday the doctor came in and said we might be able to leave that day but came back later and told us he didn't feel comfortable with it, which I agreed with him. He said that since she was falling asleep so easily during feedings that they better put her under the billyrubin lights.

So tired. Celebrating Trevor's birthday!

Visiting time! I was so swollen the next day. This was the most swollen I had been during the whole pregnancy and delivery.

I had to pump so Trevor went down with Emma while they put her under the lights. After I was done I went down and even though a ton of babies get put under those lights, it was so hard to see her like that. It broke my heart. I just sat in the chair and I couldn't even look at her. I was trying so hard not to cry. I had the biggest lump in my throat. Trevor was talking to my dad and he wanted to talk to me, but I couldn't do it. If I'm upset and someone asks how I am doing then I just break down. So I just shook my head no and then the nurse started talking to me about how these feelings were normal and I just started bawling. It was so hard to see my baby girl like that. She had to stay under the lights all night and I went down every 3 hours to feed her and she was feeding so much better and had finally peed!

Emma under the Billyrubin lights. So sad.

Monday morning we were more hopeful and the doctors and nurses had their rounds and we went down while they did that and they said we were good to take her home! We were soooo happy! We finally got to take our baby girl home!! We packed everything and then went down to get her! The nurses were happy/sad to see her go! They said they'll miss their cute little "Unicorn Baby". The people at the NICU were so great. I am so grateful for them!!

Our little Emma.

One of our rooms! Getting to take her home! Everyone loved her hat! Thanks Heather!

We have been staying at my parents house for the week. They have helped us so much! I'm so grateful for them and all their support throughout this whole thing! I sure love them. I know Emma does too! It has been such an amazing experience with Emma. She is such a good baby! She loves to smile and she even had a little laugh the other day! She just melts my heart. She is so beautiful! I keep asking Trevor where she came from! I feel like we've always had her in our lives. I can't even describe how happy I am to be her mother! I feel so incredibly lucky! I am so grateful for my Heavenly Father for all of his blessings he gave us throughout this whole pregnancy, labor and delivery, and in blessing Emma that she was okay. Having Emma has made me so grateful that Trevor and I had the opportunity to be sealed so that we can be a forever family! My heart is just so full!

Love her!